Your Bucket List Might Have A Hole In It (But There Is STILL Abundance)
"When I was at fault, still your love fought for me." -Reckless Love, Cory Asbury
I've been at fault more times than I can count. Yeah, me. I know that from the bits and pieces you see, I seem to have it together 100% of the time. You are aware that I'm home with my daughters and wonder how I even survive. You see the book I wrote and determine I must have great time management.
But I don't, I confess, always have it together.
There are days when I wake up and instead of being grateful, I grumble. I'm not exactly a morning person. My husband can attest to that now and my sister could attest to it when I was younger too.
I lose my patience a few times a day and find myself yelling just to be heard over the craziness.
I complain, and while working on my own complaining, I tell my daughter not to complain. She's watched me do it for so many years and tears threaten to spill over because I know I haven't been a good example in that department.
While I often hear, "I don't know how you do it" and "you are so patient and kind," what I know is that some days I'm barely getting by and I don't exhibit patience and kindness at least three times a day, AT LEAST, and that's probably on a good day.
I fail at being a good example to my daughters who will grow up and become women one day, women with dreams and careers, possibly husbands and children. It's easy to name blessings I wish over their life and harder to consider the struggles that they will face because ALL women come face to face with struggle.
There will likely be the struggle of sacrificing, grieving, dreams crushed, lack of career, loneliness, infertility, miscarriage, and the list goes on.
There will be anger and impatience and nerves that are shot from giving until it hurts physically, emotionally, and mentally.
But spiritually. Though our flesh may be weak, it is my prayer that their spirit will be willing.
Because here's what I know.
Even when I or one of my daughters are at fault, God fights for us. He will leave the 99 for us if need be. He lights up shadows, climbs mountains, kicks walls down, and those lies we daughters hear...HE TEARS THEM DOWN, every last one of them.
What do I have to do?
Merely let Him pick me up and hold me so that He can sit me back down and lead me back to His flock.
We keep going.
He keeps stopping.
We keep going.
It's this constant routine of God leading me when I'd rather take the easy route, but then He reigns me back in and reminds me that the path my flesh wants will only lead to destruction, will only compromise His plans of provision and abundance.
Though I think He does lavish abundance on some of us in the way of well-paying jobs, large homes, traveling the world, and bucket list dreams, there's another kind of abundance found in the mundane, ordinary life you are living right now.
No, your job may not pay well and you might not be living the dream. No, your home may not be very large and it may even be falling apart. No, your travel plans may not happen and your bucket list might have a hole in it, but there is still abundance.
The folding of laundry is abundance because your children have clothes to wear.
The preparing of a meal is abundance because you have heat to cook at the mere igniting of a flame with the turn of a knob.
The washing of dishes is abundance because you have food so easily purchased and water to clean utensils.
The changing of diapers is abundance because you have an innocent child placed in your care to love and nurture and teach and ENJOY.
The cleaning of multiple messes is abundance because there are multiple people making them and each one is a unique and beautiful addition to the home and family God has given that you get to be apart of.
So don't go searching for greener grass.
Don't look for a place to lie down.
Stay right here.
This IS abundance, and immeasurable gifts often require hard work, dedication, and sacrifice.
The greenest of grass is just up ahead.
The pasture of rest is the final destination.
But the most abundant gift of all is simply walking with God...because the Giver of abundance, of peace, of courage, of life, and of ALL chose you for such a time, for such an occasion, for this beautiful life that's right before your eyes, struggle and all.